In 21 hours' time, I'll be flying a few thousand feet off the ground to a place I call home - Malaysia.. My flight's at 10pm and I'll arrive in KLIA at 5.25pm on Sunday..
So this will be my last blog post from Southampton, UK.. I know that most people would be supremely excited about going home.. But I'm filled with an inexplicable sadness about leaving this place.. I guess what gets to me the most is how much I've changed.. The last nine months have taught me so much about myself and the world around me.. I made lots of new friends and my perspective on most things have changed tremendously.. Because of my new environment, I learned to build a new life - a completely different life from the one I used to live.. A life which I'm getting deeply attached to..
And now comes the crux of it all.. How will I go back to my old self? Is there going to be a clash between the new and the old me?
Now I fully empathize with the poem that we did back in our Form 5 English class.. The poem's called "Si Tenggang's Homecoming".. Back then I felt no connection whatsoever to this poem.. But now I'm beginning to see what it's all about..
si tenggang's homecoming
i
the physical journey that i traverse
is a journey of the soul,
transport of the self from a fatherland
to a country collected by sight and mind.
the knowledge the sweats from it
is a stranger's experience,
from one who has learnt to see, reflect
and chose between
the changing actualities.
ii
its true i have growled at my mother and grandmother,
but only after having told them my predicament
that they have never brought to consideration,
the wife that i began to love in my loneliness,
in the country that alienated me,
they enveloped in their pre-judgement.
i have not entirely returned, i know,
having been changed by time and place,
coarsened by problems
estranged by absence.
iii
but look
i have brought myself home,
seasoned by faith,
broadened by land and languages,
i am no longer afraid of the oceans
or the differences between people,
no longer easily snared
by words or ideas.
the journey was a loyal teacher,
who was never tardy
in explaining cultures or variousness.
look,
i am just like you,
still malay,
sensitive to what
i believe is good,
and more ready to understand
than my brothers.
the contents of these boats are yours too,
because i have returned.
iv
travel makes me
a seeker who does not take
what is given without sincerity
or that which demands payments from beliefs.
the years at sea and in coastal states
have taught me to choose,
to accept only those tested by comparison,
or that which matches the words of my ancestors,
which returns me to my village
and its completeness.
v
i've learnt
the ways of the rude,
to hold actuality in a new logic,
debate with hard and loud facts.
but i too
have humility, respecting
man and life.
vi
i am not a new man,
not very different
from you;
the people and cities
of coastal ports
taught me not to brood
over a foreign world,
suffer difficulties
or fear possibilities.
i am you,
freed from the village,
its soils and ways,
independent, because
i have found myself.
I don't really know if my mom has setup any broadband connection back home so if you don't hear from me for a while, it means I'm frantically trying to find the nearest cybercafe or slowly dying out of Internet withdrawal symptoms.. LOL..
The past nine months in Southampton has been the best in my life.. And thanks to all the people who made it so :)
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NHA at 1:12 AM ::
1 comments ::
