College's over. Sigh.
I'm suffering from a major outbreak of College Withdrawal Syndrome.. Today felt so bizarre.. From the furious last-minute packing to the glittering Awards Day, everything just flew by at the speed of light.. Before I knew it, I was in my mom's car, speeding away from the very place that I hold so dear to my heart.. I looked back at the female chalets with misty eyes.. Last night, I didn't attend the salam wida' function where everyone said their goodbyes to each other.. Looking back, maybe it's a good thing, because I would've started crying the moment I said my first goodbye :'(
Nothing can really explain the turmoil of emotions inside me.. On one hand, I'm thinking that it's a good time to leave - college life is changing into something more and more unfamiliar each day.. But that just makes it even more difficult to do.. How do you let go of the life you've comfortably led for the last 2 years? I used to feel that time was infinite and I'd be stuck in the midst of Malaysia's verdant uplands forever, but of course I was wrong.. Time is finite and every beginning must have and end.. Yesterday, I felt so detached to the fact that we were all leaving.. Because if I acknowledged it, I knew I'd be filled with overwhelming sadness..
Just the way I am right now.
OMG, I'm crying right now. Sheesh.
There were so many people I wanted to talk to.. So many things I wanted to say.. How he or she touched my life.. How much I appreciate having him or her in my life.. How sorry I am for everything I've said and done.. But I probably left a lot of goodbyes unsaid.. For that I'm eternally regretful.. Yet, even if I actually mustered enough courage, I can't imagine how the heck I would survive afterwards.. Goodbyes are so painful that instead of leaving myself vulnerable to my own raw emotions, I just put up an invisible wall around me..
Of course, I could still see a majority of my friends during next week's BTN and and the subsequent Petronas's orientation.. So in a way it doesn't really feel that bad.. At least not yet.. Not until the day when I see my MARA, PNB and YTN friends leave us Petronas scholars - for good - at some desolate BTN camp.. And not until the day when we scholars finally go our separate ways and I say goodbye to some of my closest friends on earth..
I'll be leaving from June 10 to July 1.. This means I'd be missing my brother's birthday on June 27.. Add that to the fact that he's leaving for UiTM Penang on July 3, I can't help but think that when it comes to getting a good education, the main sacrifice we make is towards our family.. I have barely a few days to spend with my brother before we both start seeing less and less of each other for the next 3 years :(
Why must all the goodbyes come at once?
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NHA at 10:00 AM ::
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