I've always been very sensitive come December and January.. I've had some pretty rough patches during these 2 months almost without fail.. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to make it all go away..
Sometimes just because it's so easy to place the blame, I wonder if I haven't realized that I'm at fault too.. I'm sure I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what it is.. So instead, I take the easy way out and put the blame on everything else except me..
Maybe I don't want to know what I'm doing wrong.. Because if I do, I'd feel pretty bad about myself.. And that's not going to do any good to my brittle self-esteem.. But then again, if I keep being oblivious, how will I ever learn from my weaknesses?
God knows how much I don't want to go through this again.. But it keeps coming back for me.. Like a vicious circle that would ensnare me each time the new year comes around.. I know this sounds silly, but after years of seeing the same thing happening again and again, all in December or January, it's frighteningly real to me.. It's like I'm cursed, when I come to think of it..
Maybe I'm not ready.. Never was and I'm not sure if I ever will.. But I can't afford to make reckless mistakes anymore.. I've got to make the right decisions..
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NHA at 3:20 AM ::
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