Hmm.. I think the topic of relationships have never failed to stir the curiosity of adolescents, like me and the majority of people reading this blog :P
I've been through many failed relationships before and I've seen my friends' fail as well.. What can I conclude about what makes or breaks a relationship?
1) It takes two.
Being in a relationship obviously means there's more to the equation than me + me = me.. You've committed yourself towards your partner and like it or not, whatever actions that you do (or most probably didn't do :P) will affect both parties greatly.. Even when an action has not taken place, you must consider the effects on both sides before carrying it out.. This is one delicate problem, especially when all you could think of is how pissed off you are at that other person.. After you've cooled off, why don't you step back and think why the heck did your partner do all those things in the first place? It'll save you from a lot of heartbreak if you try and step into your partner's shoes rather than declaring an outright war :P
2) Difference in perspective.
One person might look at the window and see the outside world.. Another person might see the dirt on the glass.. One situation could be interpreted in two totally different ways that it almost always leads to arguments.. For example, after countless calls on previous days, Boyfriend doesn't call Girlfriend for just one night.. She starts to think that he doesn't love her anymore.. He simply wants to avoid monotony in their relationship.. More often than not, even I agree that most of the time, it's the girl who always overreacts to simple situations not unlike these.. But it's hard for anyone, let alone a guy, to dig deep and find the real reasons behind her reactions.. Could it be that she loves the guy a lot and misses him every second they're apart? Maybe she has a history of being lonely in her family? Has she had a bad experience with an ex-boyfriend? Does she crave the attention because of emotional hollowness? Most people would only generalize girls as being 'clingy' or 'possessive'.. But only a girl would know how another girl feels because she's been through it before.. The feeling that you get is so intense that no words could possibly do enough justice to convey it without being degrading.. Which is what I meant by the 'justifiable, but unexplainable' reasons..
3) Willingness to meet each other halfway.
In a relationship, you must remember that he or she isn't perfect.. Neither is he/she a straight cut-out of your ideal man/woman.. Your partner has his/her own unique characteristics that made you fall for him/her at the beginning.. That doesn't mean it gives you the right to mold that person into the partner of your dreams.. That's why there must be a compromise.. There must be a point where you can just resign yourself to all the stupid things he/she does and you still won't make a huge fuss out of it.. It's all about acceptance.. Nobody can change unless it comes willingly.. And if you're grounding your whole relationship on the hope that he/she would become better or different over time, then you're just wasting your time..
4) Gratitude.
It's so easy to take things for granted.. You might think that he/she would always be there for you, doing all the sweet, thoughtful things that your partner usually does.. And suddenly - wham - everything disappears.. The flowers and chocolates start to go missing.. Your handphone becomes unbearably quiet.. Most of the time, we'd easily blame the other party for 'neglecting' us.. What we don't do is appreciate the nice gestures we've received so far.. For example, when your boyfriend stops buying you lunch, you'd probably yell at him about being un-gentleman, etc.. But did you take the time to thank him for buying all your lunches before that? Most of the time, it's the simplest things - like spending time together or a simple phone call - that get overlooked.. And without any motivation of gratitude, is it a wonder why those actions become lesser and lesser? Once you've broken up, you'll begin to miss all those little things your partner used to do for you.. And by then it would've been too late..
I've been helping my friends a lot with their own relationships.. Add that to my own experiences in the mind field called love, I can say there's a lot that I've learned.. But I still have a long way to go and there are more (bitter) lessons to learn.. I'm only 19.. At least I can take pride in the fact that I took the risk of delving into relationships and despite getting myself bruised most of the time, I don't think I would want to live my life any other way..
So for those thinking of jumping into a relationship, or currently in one, my advice is that love is a calculated risk.. Think carefully before you dive in.. Obstacles will be aplenty, but the true test is in how you overcome and learn from it.. There'll be a time when you've cleared all those mines and the lyrics of Bruce Springsteen's 'Secret Garden' springs to mind..
"She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away"
If you can decipher the meaning of this verse, then you can really say that you've been in love.
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NHA at 8:39 PM ::
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