No, I didn't die today.. What I went through today was worse than death..
I saw Mr. R during Computer Club.. Of course he was disappointed.. This morning, he and Mrs. B were waiting for my arrival when our headmaster himself went up to Mr. R's desk to find him because the team was running late for their 10.40am appointment.. And to quote Mr. R, "I have been humiliated and shamed just because of you."
When I heard his story, I felt so guilty that I felt like crying.. I immediately went out of IT Lab 2 and went straight to the headmaster's office to apologize with him personally.. Unfortunately, he was occupied and there was another group of visitors waiting to meet him.. So I had no choice but to abort my mission.. So I went to see Mrs. B instead.. I said I was sorry for making her and Mr. R look bad in front of the headmaster.. And then she said, "Well, it's not us who look bad, it's you."
Well, true enough.. But when I'm told by one of my favourite teachers that I've let him down, the last thing on my mind is my reputation.. It wasn't even Mr. R's fault that he and the rest of the gang was late for their meeting with the headmaster.. It was all my fault.. Yet other people are paying the price for my mistake..
Come to think of it, why exactly did I miss the meeting? Sometimes I feel as if the 'sacrifice' of skipping breaktime to print my Physics report just isn't worth the torment I'm going through now.. Of course I can keep on saying that I should've brought my handphone along during breaktime.. That would've saved me from a lot of trouble.. But the thing is, if I had finished my Physics report on time - instead of procrastinating my work the way I had - I wouldn't have been through all this mess in the first place.. The mere knowledge of this makes me feel so numb.. One simple act of laziness was enough to tarnish my whole credibility amongst my teachers.. And not just any teacher.. Of all people, it's the headmaster we're talking about.. But even still, I don't really see him that often.. What really bugs my conscience is how I've disheartened Mr. R.. He will never see me in the same light ever again..
And the worst part is, it's all because of my own doing.. There's nobody else to blame for all that has happened to me today.. So I must be responsible for all my (in)actions.. How come I can't be this responsible with my work? :P After the whole confrontation with Mr. R, I tried to hold back my tears and be as jovial as possible with most of my friends.. And when I tell them what happened, I still tried to make jokes out of it that people would've thought that I was just overreacting to something that doesn't really affect me badly.. But only God knows how horrible I feel deep inside..
To make up for my irresponsibility, I'm told that I have to put in 'extra effort' into our video presentation for next week's Friday assembly.. But as much as I'd like to prove my worth and regain my pride, I don't know a single thing about video editing.. So how am I supposed to do anything at all?
Add that to the fact that the female chalets' network still doesn't work.. And since it's already Friday, I doubt that the IT Dept will be able to fix it for the weekend.. And tomorrow I'm due to sit for the MUET exam till 1pm - right after the IT labs close at 12pm - this means that I won't get to access the Internet for the next 3 days!! Oh nooooo...
To say that today isn't my day is an understatement :P
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NHA at 2:49 PM ::
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