Initially I wanted to abstain from voting for our college's Musolla Community 2004 committee yesterday since I wasn't really that active a member.. But just as I was making my exit, a senior of mine who I once worked with some time last year called out my name and I had no choice but to turn back.. She asked if I wanted to vote and at 1st I said that I didn't want to.. But then she told me it would be better if I did, so I reluctantly took the piece of paper that she handed out.. After crossing out a few boxes, I hastily returned the paper to her.. So much for avoiding the elections :P
We resumed our house play rehearsal.. And guess what? We didn't choose M after all.. H got mooted by most of the cast so during the rehearsal, I told H, with a no-nonsense manner, that he got the role, regardless of whether he wants to do it or not.. Anticipating an all out verbal brawl, I was in for a disappointment.. He just accepted the decision! Hmm.. Was this the same guy who got furious the other day? Strange..
Anyway, I sensed that M was somewhat disappointed but he kept a straight face.. I offered him a singing role and he just kept quiet.. "Diam tanda setuju", I said, as I walked away feeling rather relieved that I managed to get the whole leading man fiasco out of the way..
After the rehearsal, it hit me that I was in my element - bossing people around :P I know I risk sounding like a total dictator, but I kind of feel empowered.. I don't usually feel that way when I'm constantly surrounded by books, exams, deadlines, etc.. Being in charge is a refreshing change from my daily grind.. I don't know whether any of my housemates feel as gratified as I do.. And I can't really say that I'm doing that great a job at directing, either.. But I'm really having loads of fun now.. The cast and crew are (seemingly) happy.. To me, that's all that really matters..
Well, OK.. Technically I'm also the editor of our college's newsletter, Veritas.. So what's so different about being a director than being an editor? I've got one word for you : "cut!".. Where else can you get people to repeat scenes over and over again until you're satisfied? Muahahahaha.. :P
Last night my friend S came over to my room to ask some questions about Computing - initially.. Then she spilled to me how she's having problems with her boyfriend right now and how she's becoming more and more disillusioned with her relationship.. We had some serious girl talk until 2am.. After she left, I was dumbstruck.. Why? Because every single 'sypmtom' of her problems were so similar to my breakup with my ex.. I had grown tired of the way he was treating me so I decided to end my misery by calling it all off.. But if you were to read my blog archives, you would know how horrible I felt throughout the process.. Now, it's as if my past has caught up with me, only it's manifesting in S's relationship.. It's like I've gone back through time, right up to the point where I was contemplating my breakup.. The thought is so disturbing.. Sometimes it feels as if I've been given a second chance.. To mend my past mistakes.. To correct what I did wrong.. But is this the way it should be? Am I trying to meddle into their private matters just to ease my personal guilt? Or are they simply not meant to be?
Talking to S made me see the whole situation from an objective point of view, whereas my previous judgements during my breakup were based more on emotions.. And now I can adamantly say that there are so many ways to solve the problem, only I was too blinded by my emotions at that time.. I focused too much on the problems that I couldn't see the solutions.. By talking personally to both S and her boyfriend, now I have a better understanding of what's happening.. And with this newfound knowledge, somehow I couldn't help thinking of trying again with my ex..
After thinking it through, I realized that my breakup was a blessing in disguise.. If it weren't for that fateful experience, I don't think I would have developed this much sensibility towards the male species.. But to try again? I don't think I'm up for the heartbreak again.. I think it's better for me to just write it off as a lesson in my life..
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NHA at 4:32 PM ::
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