Woke up and went to class surrounded by an onslaught of posters.. Almost everybody's posted 1 up by now! I was getting very apprehensive.. until I convinced myself how I shouldn't let such a petty issue perturb me this much.. And it helped that I saw my other rival, N, and she also agreed not to put up any posters.. phew.. :P
Everybody's in elections mode now.. Manifestos are getting prepared, confidences built up.. While I'm still at the usual stumbling writer's block..
I was told that my ex has stepped down as the chess club president and the rest of the club members is supposed to be electing a new president in a few days.. I could see this coming a long way.. But, as usual, I had to feel miserable when I knew about it.. J, my other chess colleague, and who I consider as the next eligible president, discussed everything with me and I tried to keep a straight face when all I felt inside was like crying..
I know people would be tired to death by now with my constant sadness.. But like my mum said to me, I will cry buckets and buckets of tears before I finally get over him.. So maybe this is just a phase.. My bucket isn't full yet :P Or maybe I have a particularly huge bucket?
Right now, that's the only explanation I have for my condition right now.. Sometimes I'm good.. Sometimes I'm not.. Most of the time I feel like crying.. and when I do, that's when I really feel like contacting my ex the most.. I guess the only way for me to go through this is to 'fill up my bucket' :P Women are given 3 months as 'iddah' after a separation anyway.. So if I stay like this for the next 2 months or so I guess it isn't such a big deal..
The only difference is, don't expect me to be as open with my friends anymore since all of them are giving me a hard time over it.. I went to a friend's birthday party tonight and in my attempt to get him off my mind, I went totally hyper.. I was playing 'swords' with balloons and even had one exploded.. I talked with people using my kiddie voice which I ONLY use at home with my family.. I even let them use my head as a punching bag for their balloons.. I just kept silent.. Nobody knew about the resignation..
Did I care at that time? Hell no.. All I wanted to do was to get him out of my head.. At the expense of my self-dignity.. I only realized that I might have gone a wee bit too far when a friend of mine started commenting that Veritas's editor shouldn't be doing this and that I've lost her respect.. Heck.. everybody else was doing exactly the same thing and I'm getting all the rap for it just because I'm an editor? What the heck is that?
I'm still not over my ex.. I still haven't finished my manifesto.. I've lost all my self-respect.. And I still have loads of homework to do.. I guess now I'm not really in the mood to sing 'I Will Survive' :P
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NHA at 3:28 PM ::
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