I got an A for my Computing AS and a B for my Physics.. Woohhoo :)
Well, I would've hoped for an A for Physics, but I know I deserved a B.. Now I have a total of nine papers to sit this May, including the dreaded Pure Maths P3 paper.. Gulp :(
Bangsawan is sucking the life force out of me.. I've always thought that this production really showed everybody's true colours.. It's now that we get to see people and how they're really like.. And I guess I can't say I'm too proud of myself.. Particularly today.. I think I messed up pretty badly, especially the evening practice at the Great Hall.. Everything went haywire because the control room - which was under my supervision - gave out the wrong signal to the people on stage and the whole session was doomed from there.. And although the damage has been done, it still feels a bit sore and there's no way I can forget it that easily..
The thing is, this afternoon, I really felt the pressure coming on to me.. People all over, from the actors to the backstage crew, came to me to voice their grouses over everything and I just had to listen to what they were saying even though there was nothing I could do about their situation.. Over time, it really snapped me, to the point that after everybody had left the afternoon practice session, I took almost 15 minutes sitting quietly on my own in an empty LT2.. I just had to clear my head because I really felt like crying then and there, which I know is stupid but that was how I really felt..
In a way, I think that sort of affected me right through the evening practice where my concentration lapsed several times which caused more mayhem to the ongoing rehearsal.. I think I'm slowly losing the will to involve myself, and I know that's not what I'm supposed to feel, especially with tomorrow's big night coming up..
Honestly, I know that there all lots of other people who are far more tensed up than I am.. The actors must be sick and tired of almost everybody acting as 'directors' barking orders to them every few minutes.. The props and backdrop crew must be exhausted over the huge amount of workload they have to do.. T must be worried sick about whether the play would run smoothly or not.. And as for my dear Z, he's been the real engine behind the whole Sapphire production and he's starting to show signs of frustration..
I agree with what T told me.. It's not that we're one bunch of 'kiasu' people - despite popular beliefs.. It's just that we're too passionate about what we do that we want everything to turn out right..
There's no excuse to my poor show tonight.. I just pray that I won't do the same mistakes again tomorrow when it really matters.. Z did a pep talk after the rehearsal and hopefully everything will go smoothly.. There was a huge scare by the Cultural Club and after a small incident, some of us started to think that the whole college was up against our house.. But in the end, after a round of negotiations, everything turned out to be quite OK..
Wish us luck :)
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NHA at 4:59 AM ::
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